I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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