Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
