I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I can't put those talents on a resume
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
