hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
