Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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