hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
