Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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