if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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