I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
