So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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