I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
