Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You are a genius and a whore.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
