So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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