Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
