I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
