you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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