yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
