so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
