If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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