I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
