It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
