This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
