I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
