yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
