Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
