Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
