The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
