I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Holy shit dude........stairs
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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