I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
