Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
