I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
