Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
