i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
