Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
and she was petting her beer can
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
