4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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