every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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