Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
