Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
