i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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