The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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