Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
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