I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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