Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
there is another microwave in the elevator.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
