WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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