Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
In America we eat man semen.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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