I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
