shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
don't judge my taste in strippers
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
