I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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