Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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