I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
