this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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