i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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