Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
