Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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