i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
