This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
