I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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