Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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