Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
