i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize