Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
