you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
