Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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