he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
