OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
