i just wanna soil my oats bro
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
