oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If that was your dad, he is hot
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
