Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
my liver is dry heaving
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
