my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You ruined the universe
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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