Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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